


DS al Coda

by LeftyVoyager



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Coda, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 14:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2736482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeftyVoyager/pseuds/LeftyVoyager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Janeway needs help sorting through reality versus implanted memories after her near death experience in the episode "Coda."  Would a mind meld with Tuvok do the trick?</p>
            </blockquote>





	DS al Coda

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on the episode, "Coda."  If you did not watch "Coda," you will not understand this story, but you will have a lot of fun trying :)  The only editing I've done is cleaning up formatting and removing typos.  Enjoy!  
> 
> Disclaimer:  Paramont is the Master of all of Star Trek and it's characters, I just make them do their own thing. I write for myself and not for money or anyone else, so no need for the Master to worry about little me. My stories are generally PG, but if you can't handle an occasional naughty word or a little bit of violence, or a little bit of intimacy, then you have serious problems because most things you'll find on the internet are worse! :) I won't tell you that you can't copy my work and send it around because I have no right to copyright something that really belongs to the Master, anyway, but if you do, give me some credit and let me know, okay? Thank you and enjoy!

D.S. al Coda

 

"My mind to your mind.  My thoughts to your thoughts..."

Kathryn Janeway had taken a couple of shaky breaths, trying to relax as Tuvok began the mind meld.  Suddenly, she jumped out of her seat and gasped, "Tuvok, wait!  I can't do this, yet.  I'm not ready."

"Captain, it has been two weeks.  My presence in your mind can help you through this," stated Tuvok with a calm that reminded her of the doctor's when he suggested that the best course of action was euthanasia when she had the phage.  *That did NOT happen!* she reminded herself.  It was still so hard to tell what was real and what was not, even after two weeks.  Lately, she had trouble remembering whether or not recent events were even real because in her dreams, she had frequently found herself back on the shuttle talking about talent night all over again.  

 

"Tuvok, I'm just not ready," she said, staring at her carpet.

"Captain, this is very illogical of you," said Tuvok.  He was trying to use arguments to convince her that his course of action was the right idea, but he had no clue that his coaxing was making her think about how her father, correction, the alien that was posing as her father, had tried to convince her to come with him.  She had a sudden urge to be alone.  If she just told Tuvok to leave her quarters, he wouldn't just go, and she wanted privacy quickly.  So, she bolted out of her quarters, Tuvok following behind.

As she exited her quarters, she realized how foolish she had been.  The only places she could go for solitude were her own quarters, from which she was escaping, and her ready room.  And to go to her ready room, she'd have to cross the bridge.  She headed toward the turbolift, not sure of what she was going to do, when she bumped right into Commander Chakotay, who was just leaving his quarters.

"C-Captain?" he sputtered as she brushed past him and entered the turbolift.

Then she had a great idea.  "Computer, freeze turbolift.  Authorization JanewayAlpha666."  The lift stopped.  And not even Tuvok's security clearance could have it opened.  She was alone at last.

"Tuvok, what happened?" asked Chakotay as Tuvok arrived on the scene.

"It appears something is bothering the captain, and she has locked herself in the turbolift," stated Tuvok.  "She did not want me to initiate the mind meld."

"The doctor TOLD you not to force the issue!" growled Chakotay.

"She has changed her mind four times already.  It is illogical for her to be so indecisive," said Tuvok.

"We're talking about her emotional state!  Damn right it's gonna be illogical!  Damn you and your logic!  Probably scared the shit out of her!  Vulcan mind melds are creepy enough as it is.  No one wants someone else to know their inner thoughts and feelings.

"Commander, may I remind you that I have melded with Captain Janeway before.  I already know her inner thoughts and feelings," stated Tuvok.

"Never mind!  Look, you figure out how to get that lift moving again, while I try to talk her out," said Chakotay.

"As you wish, Commander," replied Tuvok, "but I believe she used a very high clearance code."

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Kathryn had been aware that Tuvok and Chakotay were arguing, but she couldn't hear what they were saying.  She had collapsed to the floor, crying and shaking uncontrollably.  The only noise Chakotay could hear were her sobs.

"Kathryn....  Kathryn, listen to me.  I'm standing right next to the turbolift door.  Take your lock off and come on out.  There's no one in the corridor.  I just sent Tuvok away to try to crack your code, so he's gone, too.  We can talk about this."

"I.......want to.......be alone," she whispered.

"Kathryn, I'll take you to your quarters, and then I'll leave.  And you can be alone for as long as you want.  But we need to use the turbolift, Kathryn.  Kathryn, come with me!"

"I'm NOT ready to go!" she exclaimed.  And suddenly, Chakotay knew where this was heading.

"Kathryn, this is real!  I am real.  I'm not leading you into a matrix - I'm leading you to your quarters!  The nightmare is over, Kathryn!"

Oh, how she wanted to believe him, but she couldn't.  "Leave me alone!" she screamed.

"Transporter room, transport Captain Janeway to her quarters, immediately.  Sickbay, the captain is having another panic attack," said Chakotay, barking out orders.

"Aye, Commander, transport underway."

"I'm putting on my holo-emitter and heading to her quarters," said the doctor.

The door to the captain's quarters were still open.  Chakotay entered and approached the bed, where the transporter room technician had made sure she would reappear.  She was still crying as she lay trembling curled up into a ball, her arms wrapped around her knees.

"Kathryn, I know you want to be alone, but I have to make sure you're all right.  I'm going to sit here until the doctor comes," said Chakotay.

"The doctor?" asked Janeway, terrified.

"He's not going to do anything to hurt you, Kathryn."  He pulled her covers over her.  "There, now.  That's a little better.  Take it easy."

The doctor entered with Kes following at his heels.  He administered a sedative and waited until the captain had fallen asleep before talking.

"What now?  I thought I said that the captain was NOT to be irritated over ANYTHING no matter how small," scolded the doctor.

"Chalk this one up to Tuvok, Doctor.  He tried to make her do the mind meld.  But really, Doctor, Tuvok really isn't the most forceful individual I ever met.  How long is she going to be in this fragile condition?" asked Chakotay.

"Until she can sort through her feelings about the events and hallucinations that took place ON HER OWN WITHOUT ANYONE PRODDING!  I'm really not sure what to do, Commander.  We don't have a trained counselor on board, only sympathetic people, a Vulcan mind meld, and someone with small telepathic ability.  And I don't want her to do the mind meld unless she's absolutely willing.  Without professional counseling, her chances of getting through this are cut in half.

"Doctor, Kes is a telepath and a quick study.  Surely, there must be psychology textbooks somewhere on record.  Kes, what do you sense now from Captain Janeway?" asked the commander.

"She's dreaming."

"About?"

"You don't want to know..."

****************************************

"Harry's clarinet solo was okay.....  I could have done without Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry, but the highlight of the evening was definitely Kathryn Janeway portraying the dying swan."

"Chakotay?"

"Here we go again."

"So what is it this time?  Vidiians?  Lightning?"

"No....  Nothing...."

"Nothing?  Nothing is happening to the shuttle?"

"No.  But see that apple on your head?  I'm going to phaser it off!"  Chakotay raised his phaser.  "If I miss I get to be--"

*******************************************

"Captain?  Captain, you're dreaming.  It's just a dream, wake up!  Wake up!  Kathryn, wake up!"

Kathryn Janeway woke with a start and shuddered.  She glared at Chakotay.  "I thought I said I wanted to be alone!"

"I'm sorry, Captain.  I'll leave," said Chakotay, not wanting to agitate her.

"No!  Don't leave!  I didn't mean it," she quickly appended.  Chakotay took her hand, and she appeared to be comforted for the moment.  "What's happening to me, Chakotay."

"Dreams, Kathryn.  That's all," said Chakotay.

"Except I can't tell the difference..," she whispered.

"Can't tell the difference between what?" he asked.

"Reality and hallucination......"

"I'll help you.  Just try to relax.  Tell me about a memory, and I'll tell you if it happened or not," said Chakotay.

She jumped slightly.  "Lake George?"

"Real.  Very real.  So was the rose and the champagne."

"Vidiians..."

"Not real.  We're out of Vidian space.  No Vidiians and no phage here.  And if you talk to our doctor, he'll tell you that he would not approve of euthanasia as it was described in your personal report."  He paused.  "Kathryn, whether or not these events happened is not the issue, is it?"

"What do you mean?  I have to figure out what's real."

"But even if it never really happened, from your point of view, it did happen.  From your point of view you died 3 or 4 different times.  That's pretty heavy stuff, Kathryn."

"I guess so."

"Do you want to tell me about your dream?"

"It involved you and a phaser and an apple."

"You mean this phaser and this apple???" he smiled sardonically, raising a phaser and taking aim.

****************************************

"But the highlight of the evening was definitely Kathryn Janeway's portrayal of the dying swan."

The conversation was familiar, but the voice wasn't Chakotay's.

"Daddy?"

Then she realized that she wasn't actually participating in this event - she was watching herself again.  Herself at the age of six after the first performance of the dying swan.

"That's my little golden bird!  You were spectacular."  A portal of white light opened up.  "Why don't you come with me?  We'll get some ice cream and celebrate."

The father took the six year-old's hand.

"No, Kathryn!  Don't go with him!  It's wrong, Kathryn!" screamed Captain Janeway.  But the child could not hear.  And the two disappeared into the light.

*****************************************

"Good morning, Captain.  Did you sleep well?"  This came from Kes, the newly appointed ship's counselor.  In three hours, she had managed to read everything Voyager's computer had on the occupation.

"No," replied Kathryn, sluggishly.  In fact, her sleep had left her more exhausted than lack of it would have.  

"How do you feel?" asked Kes.

"Don't you know how I feel?" asked Kathryn.

"Of course.  But it helps if you talk about it.  And I'll know if you're telling the truth," Kes smiled.

"Okay.  I feel like I've been choked, phasered, suffocated, bounced around and thrown about twenty times in a row.  Multiply that by a hundred thousand, and that's the confusion I feel in my head.  I can't tell the difference between reality and hallucinations.  For all I know, you could put an apple on my head and try to shoot it off!"  She paused with her eyes closed, waiting for the phaser shot.  It never came.

"Did you think that was going to happen, Captain?" asked Kes.

"Actually, I did."

"I see."

"What do you see?" asked a panicked Janeway.

Kes sighed.  "Absolutely nothing.  According to these books, the best course of action would be to lock you up and throw away the key.  But don't worry, Captain.  I won't give up."

"Thanks," sighed Kathryn dejectedly.

"Perhaps it would help you to talk about something else," suggested Kes.

"I've been avoiding this issue for two weeks, Kes, and it's not getting any easier to deal with.  I have to figure this out now," said Kathryn.

"The doctor says it's the phage," said Kes.

"WHAT????" exclaimed Kathryn.  She looked at her hands, and sure enough, they were deformed.

"I'm sorry, Captain.  The most humane course of action is euthanasia.  Take deep breaths.  It'll be faster and less painful that way."  She put on a mask.  The room began to fill with poisonous gas.

"No!  No, don't do this, Kes!  This isn't right!" shouted Kathryn as she fell off her bed to the floor and died.

*******************************************

"...But the highlight of the evening was definitely Kathryn Janeway's portrayal of the dying swan."

"I learned that dance when I was six years old..."

Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay continued their conversation about talent night until something struck the shuttle.

"I think we took a lightning hit!" shouted Chakotay.  The two tried to maneuver the ship as best as possible, but they both knew it was going to crash.

After the shuttle crashed on the planet, Chakotay rose and realized that the captain was injured.  "Kathryn?!"  He pulled out the medical kit.  When it was time to evacuate the shuttle, he picked her up and carried her outside and performed CPR.  "Breathe, Kathryn, breathe!  Don't you die on me, now!"

Eventually, Chakotay was able to contact Voyager, and a shuttlecraft was sent to the planet to rescue the commanding officers.  The doctor was able to revive the captain, and the alien presence that was inside of her was extracted.  They returned to the ship, and the doctor had ordered that the captain should rest.  Chakotay had found her later that day WORKING, and he had given her a rose, and after that, she and he went sailing on Lake George.

************************************

Kathryn was thinking about roses and sailboats and champagne as she came out of the mind meld and Tuvok stared expectantly at her.  

She opened her eyes.  "I finally remember what actually happened," she murmured.  "I didn't realize that so much was fabrication."

"Captain, I can tell from your dream that you were terrified to have this mind meld.  I am sorry to have pushed you into it," said Tuvok.

"Actually, I think it helped, Tuvok.  It will be much easier to deal with this mess now that I can sort through it.  Now that I know what - ow!- actually happened."  She put her hand to her forehead.

"Should I call the doctor?" asked Tuvok.

"No, it's just a headache.  I'll live with it," she replied, reminding herself of another of the hallucinations.  But at least she knew that it was a hallucination.

"Captain, do you mind if I talk to you about something personal?" asked Tuvok.

"Is there anything personal about me that you don't know?" she asked, glad Tuvok was her friend or else she might have felt somewhat violated.

"From what I can tell from your thoughts, you and Commander Chakotay have feelings for each other."

Her breath caught in her throat.  "Y-yes?"

"Captain, you have not acted on these feelings because you feel it is for the good of the ship.  But there are no rules that say that you and the commander can not have a relationship.  And you have to think about your needs before you can fulfill the needs of the ship.  I believe you should pursue this relationship," said Tuvok.

She started to panic.  "This isn't real!  Tuvok would never agree to this!  He would want me to follow protocols and he would worry about the safety of the ship, and the affects a relationship could have on command decisions..."

"Captain, I am worried about the effects of this on command decisions.  If you and Chakotay do not act on your feelings, tension will be created on the bridge.  I just wanted to tell you how I truly feel about this because I know that that is important to you.  I will leave you to rest now.  Chakotay will be here to see you in about an hour."

"Thank you, Tuvok," said Kathryn.  "You've given me a lot to think about."  As he left, she couldn't help smiling.....  Her evening with Chakotay on Lake George DID actually happen!

 

The End.


End file.
